Suck My Guac

First of all reader, let me tell you this: It’s not your fault. Are you hearing me? It’s. Not. Your. Fault.

Readers, I know you’re feeling a lot. I am to. But I think it’s time that I break my silence. The events of September 1st, 2009 have shocked us all. I ask you to join me in watching the trailer of Antwone Fisher.

As you can tell, I’m Antwone and Kate is everyone who ever left Antwone. Reader, let me be your Denzel for just a moment, we can do this. We will do this. Kate’s quitting the blog and subsequent death and cremation of our friendship has filled me with new strength. Like the dope-ass phoenix, I have risen out of this sleepy, post-lacking summer and continue to suck guac to the best of my ability, despite my handicap.

If you’ll have me, of course, reader. I understand the appeal of a one-man show, for about seven-minutes, then I sort of feel guilty about having wasted the time and made such a mess. See! Kate’s barely cold and I take the first moment alone to just say whatever the fuck I want. I need to be kept in check. I need a ying to my yang. I Tweedle-Dum to my Tweedle-Dee – although, let’s be honest, who could be dumber than Kate, am I right?

What I’m trying to say, reader, is that I’ve been scrambling to find a replacement. Someone who could divert your attention, and a huge chunk of the responsibility, off of me and onto – preferably – herself. I like the balance Kate and I had – Girl/Guy, Norcal/Socal, Bitchwhore/Superawesome – and I wanted to replicate that. Also, I wanted to make the transition as easy for you as possible.

I found someone. I went to kindergarten with her and we’ve since reconnected on Facebook. Her name is Cate. I’ll let her speak for herself, but she’s great and I know you’ll love her. She tells me that her first post will most likely be tomorrow.

Reader, I think we’re going to be fine. Or I’m really not dealing with this well.

- Jamie